I’m currently sitting on the RMS Queen Mary in Long Beach California. The ferry came early and hence I have about an hour and half until my pre-arranged taxi to the airport picks me up. Instead of sitting, waiting and occupying my time drinking Pina Coladas at some cheesy “California Beach Bar” at LAX Airport like I did last time, I decided to do something touristy in Long Beach. A grand old retired passenger ship sits next to the ferry landing and it seemed quite fitting that I toured it given my childhood obsession with the Titanic (mostly for the Deep Sea elements than the ship itself). So here I find myself sitting on the Promenade Deck in the sun, writing. I contemplated whether to read or write, but I realised I hadn’t really written in a while. It’s not that I haven’t been inspired to write, but life has been daily if you know what I mean.
Catalina Island has still been heaven. In fact I was sitting out in a kayak this very morning looking around and there were sea lions floating and feasting beside me, the company’s pirate ship the Tole Mour had just entered the Cove, snorkelers were discovering giant black sea hares (yes, sea slugs that were 15lbs!), sea stars, octopus and more, the water looked like silk and the sun shone brightly. Catalina Island is not always so typically beautiful. This last week gone had huge surge that stripped the beach bare, there was not an animal in sight (well, the visibility was so shocking that even if there was we couldn’t see them) and it was generally cold and wet without much refuge from Mother Nature. Nevertheless, moments like today, when I was travelling across the channel back to the mainland on the ferry, and there were bait balls; fish, birds, dolphins, sea lions all frolicking and competing for a giant school of fish, or just the hundreds of dolphins that bow rode, jumped and breached continue to take my breath away.
However, sometimes I feel like there is something missing. Missing? You ask. Impossible! You proclaim. What could possibly be missing from living life in paradise? Well, family and familiar culture for one. Huh? Yes, that’s right. I’m homesick. Okay, for starters the living situation at Fox Landing quite peculiar; 20-40 people you live, work and play with 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I have no qualms with the living situation and rather I absolutely cherish and adore each person in their own individual way, but I’m just very different and it’s a weird sensation that sometimes there is nowhere for me to go and just… well, be different. I guess I’ve always been different; from a different place, on a different path. If you know me well, you’ll know exactly what I mean. It was two months straight from the first time I stepped foot on the island to the first time I ventured off a couple of weeks ago to go and visit Di up in Monterey. Sitting in an air-conditioned car, mixing in civilization again, back in the city, using money to buy things from shops, meeting people from all different places, really made me realise how much I miss being involved in a broader society. Being at the airport in particular was a huge wake-up call reminding myself how much I miss travelling, Europe, home, and all the different people you could possibly meet at an airport; the diversity of life!
I recently turned down a Masters Program to go to a university in Norway to study International Development. Development and ‘world betterment’ has been a passion of mine for a long time, but being on the island has humbled me a little for the better or worse. Long story short, I realised the timing wasn’t right. I am at a stage right now where I am going to need to take a big think about my future and make some decisions. Decisions such as when, where and what postgraduate studies will I undertake. The timeline is currently being constructed with a goal to be enrolled in a Masters Program by mid-next year doing exactly what I really want to do and plan to make a career out of. Oh my. Crunch time. Being only 22 years old has given me some freedom to ‘take my time’ as I have continuously rushed through life since I was about 5 years old. So, the first step in my plan? To go home. I miss my family.
One of the things I have realised is that I am a “cold” country person. Not cold in relation to the weather, as I definitely love the sun and a warm summer. But in terms of culture. Australia (albeit divided in some parts), England, Germany, South Africa, Norway – all of those typical “cold” countries. The US is technically a “cold country”, except for the South. Brazil, Spain, Italy, Mexico are all examples of “hot” countries. It’s very interesting, because my whole life I’ve always been told I was very warm, open, etc, and so one might assume I would love “hot” country culture. And I do. For holidays. But just not to live daily life there. One of our bosses at work is a “cold” country person and, aside from myself interestingly enough, most of the staff have a hard time relating to him. I was talking to a good friend who was ‘trying to understand me’ a little better the other day, and we used the analogy – how would you feel if you went and lived on an island with 20 people just like that boss? Answer: A little bit out of place. And my friend quickly realised that is exactly how I feel sometimes in reverse. The US and Australia are similar because we both speak English and are Western societies, but I’m starting to realise there are far more differences than I had anticipated. It makes me miss home a lot and I often ask myself – why am I here, away from my family and friends, if I could be there doing the same thing there, with them, in a familiar culture? Walking around on the decks of the Queen Mary, listening to British tourists stroll and chat in their very British way and meeting fellow Australians only reiterates this feeling.
For now, however, the Spring season is coming to an end in a few weeks. My mother is coming to visit for a little USA Road Trip in the break, and then a summer filled with SCUBA diving and fun is ahead! So I have a lot to look forward to. Every day I am learning a little more about myself and how to cope in this big, glorious World. I am incredibly grateful for all my experiences. I look back at all the posts over the last year and its easy to remember how much I've learnt about myself since I left Australian shores one year ago. I am flying up to Monterey for a week in a few hours to visit some old friends, go camping, relax and spend some time with the boyfriend. Hopefully this week and the two weeks with my mum when she visits mid-June will be rejuvenating and give me that grounding I need to keep understanding why I started this journey one year ago…